SAM SIMMONS

Loves A Cold Emu Export

Former zoo keeper Sam Simmons hopes when he steps into town this week that it won’t be as “bloody clicky” as his last visit and perhaps the zoo would’ve halved the number of orangutans– “it’s a bit overwhelming”. X-Press talks to the 33 year comic who calls Adelaide home about shaking shit up in comedy and his new show A Precise History Of Things which hits The Astor Theatre this Friday, November 18. Bookings through BOCS.

Besides the goat tattooed on his right butt-cheek, Sam Simmons loves all animals. Having worked as a zoo-keeper at Melbourne Zoo for four years, the slow loris is top of his favourite animal list. “You’ve got some good slow loris over there,” he says, in a voice entwined with a questionable amount of sarcasm and seriousness. “I think you’ve got two in the nocturnal house… Every time I go to a city, I go to the zoo. It’s one of the first things I do. Perth’s actually really good. All your orangutans though, it’s just too many. It’s a bit overwhelming.”
Simmons is equally overwhelmed by the descriptions the media has created for him over the years labelling him “absurdist”, “silly” and “daft” being three of many. “It’s so unfair,” he says casually. “I’m actually really quite vanilla. What’s with labels on things? Do we all have to be cast from the one pot? I think it’s a load of bullshit actually. I reckon I’m one of the most boring people you’ll meet… Everybody is stupid, everybody does silly shit it’s just that I’m doing it on stage. Like, the media can calm the fuck down… go overseas and see what they’re doing over there.
“I think [we need to] up the ante because it’s so conservative over here at the moment. You need people to shake it up. It can’t always be safety in comedy. You can’t always have all these t-shirt philosophers telling you [about] watching what shit on television, like who gives a fuck. I think it’s rather tame over here so it’s good that there’s people to shake it up.”
Simmons is one Australian comic shaking it up along with Claudia O’Doherty, Nick Sun and Michael Workman – all top notch comedians whom Simmons admires and says “will probably never be the mainstream”. Simmons is bringing his latest show A Precise History Of Things to Perth this weekend, a problem-solving performance which he says has been his most successful yet. “I got a few letters written into me at Triple J and I decided to answer those questions and then put it into a narrative in a show,” he says. “I just came back from Edinburgh and it went awesomely there and now I’m over in Sydney doing it. I’m gonna take it over to the Astor and just be a dickhead.”
Although Simmons says the Sydney and Perth comedy scene is “booming”, Perth’s scene is “bloody clicky”. “I can’t wait to go over there and make them fucking talk to me. Last time I was there, they were all so bloody up their own asses - weird little clicky, arty Perth scene fuck off, embrace the eastern states. I’m actually from there so shut up.” Having grown up in Perth from when he was six months until he was 11 years old, Simmons remembers “spearmint milk” and “a lot of time spent around Lake Monger and being threatened by black swans.”
He’s already hard at work on his 2012 show About The Weather. “It sounds really boring if I talk about it… I won’t really investigate the weather but it should keep away a few dickheads.” He’s also hoping to collaborate with Michael Workman on the show too. “I’m hoping to get him help score my show but we’ll wait and see.”

_ANNABEL MACLEAN